When Healing Took Its Time.

Assalamualaikum wbt,

Hi!

I didn’t plan for “tomorrow” to be almost a year later, lol. 

Last year, I was going through so many life changes — that’s why I decided to start writing again. I won’t say it was the worst year; honestly, I’ve faced more painful times, nights spent crying until my eyes hurt. But it was definitely an uncertain period in my life. I’ll write more about it when time allows.

Rewinding Back: November 2015

In my last post, I stopped at the time when my mom passed away — November 2015. Back then, I was in the middle of my final year project. Alhamdulillah, everything went well in the end. I had a very supportive supervisor and amazing friends who helped me through that difficult period. We shared the same supervisor, used similar data, but approached our research from different angles. It was actually quite interesting.

My final year presentation went smoothly. I remember not wanting to attend the graduation dinner, but my friend insisted. So, I went — in basic attire, of course (story of my life; I never feel confident dressing up for events).

During my degree years, I had a huge crush on a guy in my batch. We never shared a class until the final year, but I’d secretly admired him since my first year, second semester. My close friends knew and teased me about it all the time. Looking back, I never had the courage to get close to him — I just liked having a crush. It even pushed me to study harder because he was always in the library, and I didn’t want to be seen as lazy. Call it silly, maybe even a bit stalker-ish (haha), but that was as far as it went.

When we finally ended up in the same class and project group, I was over the moon. Even the smallest conversations made me happy.

At the graduation dinner, my friend asked me to take a photo with him. I said no, but she went ahead and called him over. He agreed, and yes — I have a photo with him! By then, my crush was already fading as our studies came to an end.

The next time I saw him was six months later, during convocation. My niece and sister, who had heard me talk about how handsome he was, finally saw him in person — and they agreed (haha). He even texted me that day, but I missed it. Later, he asked me out for a movie. By then, we were both working. Maybe I’ll write about that another time, but for now, he remains a sweet memory from my university years.

Life After Graduation

After finishing my studies, I returned to my hometown for a while before staying with my sister while job hunting. My original plan was to work near home, but things turned out differently. I joined a program to get a Green Book Holder license through my university. Since I had interned with an environmental engineering company, it felt like the right path. The program lasted about 20 days — and they fed us six meals a day! I ended up gaining 5kg (crazy, I know).

That period became a turning point. I started hiking for the first time, met new people, and grew close to some classmates. Around the same time, I started liking someone else — a classmate I hadn’t noticed much before. I won’t go into all the details now, but he eventually broke my heart.

We ended up working at the same company (different divisions, thankfully). It was hard to move on because I saw him often. This wasn’t just a crush — I fell deeply. When I found out he had gone back to his ex, it shattered me. I lost 5kg from the heartbreak, slipping back into being underweight. On top of that, I struggled with imposter syndrome at work. Workplace bias didn’t help either. I stayed for a year before moving on, but thankfully, I made good friends there — people I still keep in touch with today.

Finding Hiking and a New Circle

During this time, I started hiking more seriously, thanks to a childhood friend who tricked me into climbing one of the seven highest peaks in Peninsular Malaysia — for my very first hike. I couldn’t walk properly after that (haha), but it was such a memorable experience.

Through hiking, I met many new people, built close friendships, and found joy again. My old Instagram is full of hiking memories from my late 20s. Some of those stories will come up again later because they shaped me a lot — and yes, some friendships also led to heartbreak.

I’ll continue next!