When Alone Feels Right, and Wrong

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Hi! 

“That was the thing about best friends. Like sisters and mothers, they could piss you off and make you cry and break your heart, but at the end, when the chips were down, they were there, making you laugh even in your darkest hours.”
— Firefly Lane, Kristin Hannah

It’s so hard to find someone who can accept you the way you are. But that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. It takes time to really know someone. You can’t just decide to be someone’s best friend — there’s a bond that connects you, even when you’re apart.

At each stage in my life, I’ve found people who could truly be my friends. People who take me as I am, even though sometimes I’m difficult to be around. With my upside-down feelings, I admit I’m not always a good friend. But I can’t be fully “good” until someone complements me, making me better. It’s hard, you know.

That’s why I like being alone. It gives me time to think about myself. It’s a little creepy, but that’s just me. I do it so often that it’s become a habit. I reflect on what I might have done wrong in relationships — with family, friends, or others. Yet my uncertainty always pulls me toward people who love me, because being with them makes me feel needed.

“I take much pleasure in being alone,
but there is also a strange warm grace in not being alone.”
— Charles Bukowski