Let's live and stop figuring out

Yesterday was my birthday. It made me pause for a moment… am I getting old? And what does “old” even mean?

The more I meet different kinds of people, the more I realise that age doesn’t really define much. You can be older and still immature, and you can be young yet full of wisdom. It really comes down to how we move through life, the people we meet, and the places that shape us along the way.

I have to admit, I don’t travel much or meet a wide range of people. But I know I’m very observant. It’s not always something I enjoy. Sometimes, understanding people too well makes it hard to place blame when things go wrong. And somehow, that can be frustrating too.

As I grow older, I’m starting to see that family is what stays. And honestly, I’m grateful for that.

I just wanted to write this down, especially because I know how unreliable my memory can be. Maybe it’s just how my mind works, maybe something more. I remember hearing that people who live in survival mode tend to forget things as a way to protect themselves. I don’t know how true that is, but it made me think.

Back in May, I decided to treat myself and went to Terengganu. The first time I went there was with my hiking buddy, and it remains such a beautiful memory. I didn’t get to explore much back then. I went again after COVID with a different group of friends. It was okay.

This time, I went with my housemate and my niece. We were there mainly for something else, but we took the chance to explore a little. I realised how much I love seaside towns. Maybe it’s because I was born on an island.

Growing up, my late dad used to take me to the beach. We would collect shells or just sit there, watching the long boats pass by at Padang Kota Lama. I didn’t even know what they were called, but I remember how peaceful it felt. I loved every bit of it.

A part of me feels like I would be truly happy living in a place like that. I’ve never really felt like I belong in the city. No matter how long I stay, it doesn’t feel like home. I think I just want a slower life. And I pray that one day, I’ll have it.

Lately, I’ve been trying to go with the flow more. There are things I’m dealing with that I don’t like. In the past, I would avoid them. Now, I don’t really have that option. I have to face them.

Maybe if I get through this, I’ll become someone stronger. Someone who has finally learned how to handle the things she used to run from.

Avoiding something can feel easier. But facing it… There’s a different kind of strength in that. I don’t know how to explain it, but it feels bigger.

I’m a bit sleepy as I write this, and I’m not even sure if everything makes sense. But I just wanted to put these thoughts somewhere.

Oh, and I have a ticket battle tomorrow.

I’ll get it.