A Quiet Weekend That Meant More Than I Expected

I think I'm lost.

I don't like the phase I'm in now for my career. I had asked a friend to check if there were any openings in her company, but unfortunately, my experience didn’t match what they were looking for. I had to accept that. It left me feeling a bit lost at this phase and made me wonder where to go next.

I believe I deserve more than what I’m getting from my current work, but right now, it feels like nothing is coming through. At first, I was angry. More than that, I was frustrated. I kept thinking, reading, trying to make sense of it.

Then one day, I sat down and really reflected. I realised I’m someone who rarely says no. So when I finally started setting boundaries, people didn’t quite know how to react. Some were surprised, some didn’t take it well.

But I also noticed something. Once I spoke up, people became more careful not to cross those boundaries. It didn’t feel smooth at first, but I think it was necessary.

These days, I feel like I function like a robot at work. Before, I would run, always moving, always reacting. Now, I’m learning to sit with things, even when they’re uncomfortable. Maybe this is how I learn to handle difficult situations better in the future.

It’s nothing big, but I am proud of myself for standing up for myself. At the end of the day, I’m the one living this life. I’m the one who has to face it. Still, I can’t deny that I feel a bit sad about how my career is turning out right now. But I believe I’ll get through this, and that I’ll end up somewhere better.

Yesterday, a childhood friend came over for Raya. It had been a while since we last met, so we spent the day catching up, talking about what’s new in our lives and everything in between.

She’s a good friend. We don’t talk often, but the care is always there. No hard feelings, just an understanding that life asks a lot from us in different ways.

We ended up talking about our careers. I shared my frustrations, and she shared hers. I also got some news through her. 

Our conversation also drifted into the topic of marriage. Both of us are open to it, but I haven’t taken any steps. I believe we’re where we’re meant to be at this moment. Thinking too much about an uncertain future only makes me feel heavier, and I don’t want to stay in that space.

I told her that sometimes we feel like we haven’t changed, which is why it seems like we keep facing the same problems. But in reality, we are learning, just in ways we don’t always notice.

I gave her an example. I recently looked through my old Instagram posts and captions. Honestly, if I were my own best friend (other friend) back then, I might not have liked myself either. So it’s not surprising that I had fallouts with some people. And it’s okay. I don’t carry any feelings about it now.

Some people grow quickly, visibly. Others grow slowly, quietly, like something organic. Not flashy, but lasting. Maybe life isn’t about speed, but about endurance.

We also watched the BTS World Tour livestream together at my house. It was such a happy moment, one I want to remember. Later, when we went out for a snack after the concert, she mentioned writing. I told her I’ve been trying to write more, though I didn’t say that I’ve been keeping a blog.

It was a good weekend. The kind I want to hold on to.

Now I’m about to get ready for Day 3 of the BTS World Tour livestream. I just hope I survive work tomorrow.

And I pray that my career will get better, that I’ll find a good place to grow, with the right people around me.

I made the pasta