Finding Myself on a Boring Day

Assalamualaikum…

How did you spend your day? Me? Ahhh, so unproductive. Every day, every hour, every minute, every second. What a waste. I didn’t know that I take such a long time to figure out myself. But still, no answer. It feels like I’m suffering from “what to do with my life.” That’s pathetic.

But now, I try to do something on my boring days: learning. Learn what? Well, I’m improving my vocab. Grammar? Hehe, a bit hard but I’ll try. And most importantly, I am starting to exercise every day. Hewhewhew. Feeling healthy y’all.

While staying at home doing nothing, sometimes I wonder why my mom doesn’t nag about me not working yet. Every month, she still gives me pocket money even though I’ve finished my studies. There are a lot of questions in my mind. We never really know what’s in people’s hearts. I think my mom doesn’t want me to work far from her, that’s why I haven’t gotten a job yet—or maybe I’m just missing my own opportunity. To mom: don’t worry, I won’t work far from you. I just need to earn money; I can’t keep asking from you anymore. Talking about missing my own chance is the saddest thing right now. I’m the one who screwed myself. Dushhhh!!!!

Early this month, I got a missed call. Office or home, but who calls using a home line nowadays except for my aunt? So I thought maybe they would contact me again. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize they left a voicemail. What sucks is I discovered it last night. Bravo, Aisyah.

"When Allah makes things really difficult, it is to remind who is in charge so that you turn back to Him. When He makes things easy, make sure you turn to thank Him. Any good that you do is a favor from Him and not upon Him, so thank Him for it."
— Navaid Aziz

Okay, forget about it, I feel like an idiot. This evening, I went to a coffee shop and enjoyed my sadness with a medium cup of Americano (favorite all-time, bebeh). There’s this coffee shop girl—don’t know why, but I like the way she speaks. Full of confidence yet so friendly. She’s cute too. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t know her, I just want to be like her: how she manages to speak with customers without annoying them. Or maybe I should stop trying to be others and just be myself—maybe that works too.

Whatever it is, I’m thankful that my family still supports me even though I’m nothing but trouble to them all the time. I didn’t tell my mom about that missed call. Let bygone be bygone; just move. There’s another opportunity, and I believe in Allah SWT to guide me.

"What is a family? They were the people who claimed you. In good, in bad, in parts or in whole. They were the ones who showed up, who stayed in there regardless. It wasn’t just about blood relations or shared chromosomes but something wider, bigger. We had many families over time. Our family of origin, the family we created, and the groups you moved through while all this was happening: friends, lovers, sometimes even strangers. None of them perfect and we couldn’t expect them to be. You can’t make any of one person in your world. The trick was to take what each could give you and build your world from it."
— Sarah Dessen

Weekend Fun with My Brother’s Kids

Assalamualaikum…

Dari hari Rabu main dengan budak-budak ni, bila diorang balik, rumah terus sunyi. Another weekend yang sangat sunyi, tsk3. Never mind, I’ll find something to do then.

Back to them, they are my brother’s kids. Sangat rapat sebab setiap minggu balik, just lately jarang balik sebab my sister-in-law tak berapa sihat. Best kalau tak buat perangai, hehehe. Abang putih gebu macam donut sebab makan nasi dengan kuah sup semata-mata. Adik pulak, asalkan kari, meme jalan la die. Satu je sama, suka Tea O.

Kalau main game sampai tak nak makan, last-last tak boleh main. Si abang akan ambik my phone dan main senyap-senyap. Adik pulak akan datang cakap kuat-kuat, "HAA, ABG BUAT APA TU HAA? MAIN GAME LA TU!" Aku nak gelak sebab last-last dia pulak mintak nak main. Alahai, sunyi pulak rumah yang dah meme sunyi ni.

Tadi sempat keluar ke bank dengan Fyna. Kami minum dekat satu cafe yang sangat comel, lepas ni boleh lepak minum situ pulak sebab orang tak ramai sangat. Padahal dah keluar hari sebelumnya, just tak perasan cafe tu. Actually, selama ni memang tak pernah perasan langsung cafe tu wujud. Apa-apa lah.

Adik ni suka nak hensem sikit, tapi bila akak aku nak ambik gamba dia, tak nak. Bila dah semua balik, die cakap kalau nak amik gambar kena senyum macam kat atas tu. Aku pun, okay, amik je lah. Kalau tak pun, diorang akan amik gambar sendiri. Kids =_=

p/s: My sis akan final exam tak lama lagi, gud luck!

Learning, Experience, and Personal Growth

Assalamualaikum…

Learning. What is learning? Is it essential for us? Is it a need or just a step to reach a higher place? Why do people who didn’t learn to the fullest still manage to reach higher levels?

The question isn’t about why. It’s about you, yourself. Because everything is always about yourself. The choice between learning or gaining experience—still the same. Why? Because to gain experience, you still need to learn. Just in a different way. The difference is the experience you gain. This is what makes you special.

We always try to avoid learning. But somehow, no matter how hard we avoid it, at the end of the day, we still need to learn. Learn from hardship, and you’ll be better in the future. InsyaAllah.

"Bila kamu tak tahan lelahnya belajar, maka kamu akan menanggung peritnya kebodohan."
— Imam Syafie

Facing Reality and Finding My Path

Assalamualaikum wbt…

credit from tumblr

Realiti? Susah macam mana pun kena hadapi jugak, dah nama pun realiti. So it is real. Like really REAL. The difference between people is how their reality and the way they handle it.

Mine? Syukur ya Allah dengan nikmat-nikmat yang ada, kalau dibandingkan dengan orang yang ditimpa musibah di luar sana. Cuma sifat manusia ni tak pernah puas dengan apa yang ada. It's not that aku tak puas dengan semua yang aku ada, cuma kalau boleh aku nak semua datang dari usaha sendiri. Tak payah pening kepala.

Masalah aku sekarang? Aku ni menganggur. I want a job. So that I don't have to ask my mom for money, my sis to buy a bag for me and pay for my hair treatment, my brother to pay for my accident. It just doesn't feel right. Otak tak berjalan kalau hari-hari macam ni.

credit from tumblr

I just hope that my brain does not 'berkarat' sampai semua benda dah lupa. Every day: check my mails, open my FB to see what my friends are up to, read quotes, listen to the same song, watch TV, eat, buang sampah, go to the bank, pay a lot of bills (at least I know I berguna), etc.

People told me that my time will come; it just takes time. I know good things will come, but don't you think I'm wasting my time just waiting and keeping waiting? On the other side, others gain a lot of things and I'm just nothing. Poor me.

credit from tumblr

"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."

– Will Rogers

Every day I learn new things, but I need more. Good luck, self :)